Hi Friends!
OK, so I admit it. I'm totally random. Just when you thought I'd fallen off the face of the planet crazy-ass Mission Impossible Scientologist Tom Cruise style, here I am back with a new post. And it's not even about home decor. Wha?
Let's just say I came across this 90's article and was tickled. Being a 90's child myself, I felt I had to add to this list. I'm hoping you will as well. So, I'll start this off with my favorite parts of the article and then will add in my 2 cents. Then I want you to add your faves! Ready?
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3. Long before he was spending his days foisting his mediocre children on us, Will Smith was actually the perfect human specimen. He also undoubtedly holds some world record for saving the world the most times while simultaneously delivering flawless catchphrases and giving cool guy nods to the camera. The Men In Black rap song, at the time, was created and received by the public without the slightest trace of irony. Really. He was that good.
4. Though on the surface, they are the exact same thing in every conceivable way, whether you liked The Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC said more about your character than all of the terrible macaroni art you could ever make for your child psychologist. Essentially, liking *NSYNC meant you liked Justin Timberlake, as he was clearly the Seabiscuit in that race from the get-go. You even liked him with his terrible, icy-blond mini-fro. Liking the Backstreet Boys gave you a bit more of a cultured palate, as there was no clear Diana in those Supremes. Nick was kind of the wholesome, if northern-Florida-redneck safe choice (save for his humiliating younger brother, Aaron). Brian was the shy, sensitive type. AJ was the hottt, dangerous meth addict. Kevin Richardson was mute with sexy, sculpted facial hair. No one liked Howie.
5. Incredibly depressing women in Indiana covered in cats and glass figurines they buy at The Hallmark Store used to troll the web 1.0 to invest thousands of dollars in tiny stuffed animals filled with plastic beans. That happened. Beanie Babies were not just significant, they were the first example most of us had of envy, greed, and wrath.
My additions to the list:
OK, so you tell me. What am I missing??
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OK, so I admit it. I'm totally random. Just when you thought I'd fallen off the face of the planet crazy-ass Mission Impossible Scientologist Tom Cruise style, here I am back with a new post. And it's not even about home decor. Wha?
Let's just say I came across this 90's article and was tickled. Being a 90's child myself, I felt I had to add to this list. I'm hoping you will as well. So, I'll start this off with my favorite parts of the article and then will add in my 2 cents. Then I want you to add your faves! Ready?
10 5 Things 90s Kids Will Have To Explain To Their Children
1. A neighborhood boy who completely disregards your family and puts a ladder directly under the teenage girl’s window to climb up at his discretion is not only acceptable, it’s charming. It’s the kind of stuff that would make said family take the ladder boy under their wing and into their heart. The nineties were a simpler time, one where we didn’t have to worry about things like breaking and entering. Clarissa today would have steel bars on the inside of her window and her father would continually remind her that the next-door boy with his ladder and his touchy hands have no place in his household.
2. In some inevitable shift of the time-space continuum in which James Cameron continues to rob humanity of all that is good and sacred in this world, Fern Gully will be known as that movie that ripped off Avatar. It will be up to us to crusade for what is right. It is up to us to explain that Fern Gully was not only a predecessor to Avatar, but far better, in that it contained both Tim Curry as a singing pile of molasses and Robin Williams rapping about animal testing in the pharmaceutical industry. (As a side note, if you have not recently listened to the full lyrics of the “Batty Rap,” I recommend you do, as they are horrifying.)
3. Long before he was spending his days foisting his mediocre children on us, Will Smith was actually the perfect human specimen. He also undoubtedly holds some world record for saving the world the most times while simultaneously delivering flawless catchphrases and giving cool guy nods to the camera. The Men In Black rap song, at the time, was created and received by the public without the slightest trace of irony. Really. He was that good.
4. Though on the surface, they are the exact same thing in every conceivable way, whether you liked The Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC said more about your character than all of the terrible macaroni art you could ever make for your child psychologist. Essentially, liking *NSYNC meant you liked Justin Timberlake, as he was clearly the Seabiscuit in that race from the get-go. You even liked him with his terrible, icy-blond mini-fro. Liking the Backstreet Boys gave you a bit more of a cultured palate, as there was no clear Diana in those Supremes. Nick was kind of the wholesome, if northern-Florida-redneck safe choice (save for his humiliating younger brother, Aaron). Brian was the shy, sensitive type. AJ was the hottt, dangerous meth addict. Kevin Richardson was mute with sexy, sculpted facial hair. No one liked Howie.
5. Incredibly depressing women in Indiana covered in cats and glass figurines they buy at The Hallmark Store used to troll the web 1.0 to invest thousands of dollars in tiny stuffed animals filled with plastic beans. That happened. Beanie Babies were not just significant, they were the first example most of us had of envy, greed, and wrath.
My additions to the list:
- Only in the nineties could Marc Summers EVER be considered cool.. Which is kind of frightening really. He's the type of guy I'd imagine to be a permanent hall monitor. But douse some people in green slime, challenge families with a 'super sloppy double dare,' and he's a kid magnet. Um, scratch that last sentence. The fact that he could utter 'on your Mark, get set, go' and still have cred with the kids is almost as impressive as Will Smith.
Every teacher needs a little time out and children of the nineties were often baby sat by none other than LeVar Burton. Reading Rainbow was a magical show that brought cartoons to life, took us under the sea, and ultimately taught us about the perils of crack. After all, Le Var may have wanted you to get twice as high, but not THAT high.
- Guys wanted to date her and girls wanted to be her. That's right! I'm talking about none other than Kelly Kapowski. Can you think of a single little girl you knew who idolized Jesse Spano? Or any other girls that were enchanted by A.C. Slater's curly mullet and crazy jeans? I didn't think so. Simply put, Kelly and Zack were the 'it' couple. No need for a 'time out' or awkward big phone to close this debate.
- Remember the Olsen twins back in the days when they still used to eat and shower? DJ was the sister NOBODY knew as "Donna Jo," Kimmy was delightfully weird, and Uncle Joey was not yet the man Alanis was going down on in a theater. Oh, Joey. You've got it, dude!
- Following close on the heels of those whacky Tanners, TGIF was the Friday night staple of clean family fun all across America. Steve Urkel mystified us by inventing a transformation machine that magically took off his glasses and lowered his pants. Suzanne Sommers took a 'step' up from three's company and showed us how she was planning to make it better, the second time around. Whether we tuned in to see Steve Urkel's early version of a smart car, or to see how see Suzanne was faring with all of those children, kids our age were glued to their TV's.
OK, so you tell me. What am I missing??
